Flashback Friday: Celebrity Nanny Tells All! So?

by Abby on September 23, 2011

The other day a dad at kindergarten pickup struck up a conversation. He said he could tell I was a mom and not a nanny. Huh? What does THAT mean? That I look old? Frumpy? Or just unemployable? Malia said she can spot nannies a mile away because they’re always texting and usually 19. So, again — I’m OLD? I do text, you know!

Anyway, this made me think of a post I wrote awhile back when Brad and Angelina’s nanny dished to the tabloids. Here it is again, for your Friday reading enjoyment.

Celebrity Nanny Tells All! So?

Star magazine cover of Brad & AngieI have a guilty pleasure: I like to read trashy celebrity tabloids. I won’t deign to actually SUBSCRIBE to them, however, so I get my gossip fix at the gym. There’s no better feeling than walking up to the magazine rack and finding the brand-new People or Us Weekly or InTouch, its candy-colored headlines and boob-job photos crying out for my attention.

The other day the headline was: “Brad and Angie’s Nanny Tells All!” Who could pass THAT up? So I hopped on the treadmill, flipped to the page, and started to read. Among the nanny’s SHOCKING allegations were — are you ready?

– The kids (6 of them under age 9) fight and squabble.

– The older kids have potty mouths.

– The house is often chaotic and messy.

– Shiloh, the 4 y.o. tomboy, gets lots of bruises and scrapes.

– Knox, the 2 y.o. boy, has to be watched 24/7 or he’ll wander off and get into trouble.

– The parents are powerless to enforce “the simplest things, like making the kids sleep in their own beds.”

– Angelina once called Brad in tears, begging him to come home and help with the kids.

These astounding revelations left me with a single question: have the hard-hitting journalists who wrote this story ever actually MET a child before?

Even the more “insidious” claims, like that the kids drink wine, eat only junk food, and watch R-rated movies are questionable. Apparently Angelina let her 7 y.o. taste some wine. Shocker!! They live in Europe, people. And I’ve let my kids taste coffee and beer. (Well, “let” is the wrong word. I stood by as they grabbed my cup and took a swig. They learned their lesson, though.)

As for the junk food, well, people who live in cardboard Chick-fil-A houses shouldn’t cast stones, as they say. Really, the only thing that I found objectionable was the part about the R-rated movies. As I know from our “Toy Story 3” debacle with my 4 y.o., you never know what will traumatize a kid. Better stick to cartoons.

This story got me thinking. If I was a celebrity and one of our disgruntled household staffers wanted to tell all, what would they say?

– She lets her 4 y.o. wear only sweat pants and shorts. She’s unable to control his temper tantrums over collared shirts and corduroys.

– The kids regularly go to school with their underwear on backwards and oatmeal crusted on their face.

– She never, ever brushes her kids’ hair.

– The baby eats food off the floor.

– The parents are always fighting over whose turn it is to empty the dishwasher.

Are you shocked? Scandalized? Well, that’s not even the half of it, people. Good thing I’m not a celebrity, huh?

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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Ali September 23, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Great re-post. I remember that story floating around, but many people must agree with you because it didn’t go very far. I guess that nanny just needed to make a quick buck and fell desperate.

I really would like to hear your entire list, though. It would make us mommys feel less guilty about some of our “shockers”.

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Shannon @ AnchorMommy September 23, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Oh yeah, I remember this post! Love it. Especially all those “shocking revelations” about your parenting, because the list is darn near a mirror image of what mine would be!

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Kim September 25, 2011 at 10:48 am

This is funny! It amazes me how “shocked” people are when they see the reality of what it is like in a house with little ones. And we’re all alike, because kids are all alike. Great post Abby!

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