Dear Customer Service Person

Dear Customer Service Person:

First off, I recognize that you have a difficult job. Customer service people and moms have a lot in common, actually: people don’t call us up to be like, “Hey, just wanted to tell you that you’re doing a great job! Kudos! Keep it up!” No, we only hear from them when IT’S ALL WRONG AND IT’S ALL OUR FAULT. So I feel your pain. I really do.

Second, please know that I have ordered from your company (Amazon) a bajillion times and never had a problem. UNTIL TODAY. This is unfortunate. Because all my past orders of books and diapers and cleaning supplies and other items were not life-or-death purchases. If they had been delayed or mixed up, it would’ve been inconvenient but not earth-shattering. UNLIKE TODAY.

See, today my 6yo son was anxiously awaiting his birthday gift. His gift that someone (me) ordered last week but was too cheap to opt for anything besides free shipping. I KNOW: PRIME. Believe me, I’m regretting forgoing that $99 expense. And I feel like this is your passive-aggressive way of punishing me for that. Point made. But do you know what I can do with $99? Pay for 9 hours of babysitting, for one. Do you know what I could do with 9 hours of child-free time, Amazon? DO YOU??

OK, so back to the gift. This was not just any gift. This was a Power Rangers Megaforce Deluxe Gosei Morpher, Amazon. Do you have any idea what that is? Neither did I. But ask any Power Ranger-obsessed 6yo and he’ll tell you it’s a hot-ticket item. My son was literally waiting by the door for this thing to arrive. On Friday, his actual birthday, on Sat., and again on Mon., when the package tracking on your site PROMISED it would arrive.

You LIED, Amazon. My son and I were more disappointed than when the release date of the Angry Birds Go! app was delayed. More disappointed than when the green light saber broke. More disappointed than when America’s Funniest Videos was preempted by a news alert. SO DISAPPOINTED! And then I had to look at this face:

And you know what makes it worse, Amazon? The fact that we are looking down the barrel of our quadrillionth snow day here. School has been delayed countless times this year. It was closed last Thurs. Again on Mon. Then on Tues., it closed 2 hours early. So this package, this toy, THIS $14 GODSEND, could have made the difference between salvaging the day and ALL HELL BREAKING LOOSE. So when the package FINALLY arrived, and we opened it to find this:

What do you think happened, Amazon? I’ll tell you what happened. This:

Oh, the tears. And the wails and gnashing of teeth. And not just from me. My son was bummed, too.

Look, I get that these are first world problems. But believe me when I tell you that the link between this mom and her sanity is a plastic Power Rangers toy. So you’ll work with me to get this fixed, right? I mean, the way I see it, we’re on the same team. You want happy customers, I want happy customers.

It’s just my bad luck that MY customers will screech and whine and throw themselves on the floor till I want to stuff unpaired Spongebob socks in my ears to stop the aural onslaught. I try so hard, Amazon. SO HARD. But I’m only human, OK? So thank you, Customer Service Person, for anything you can do. I’m counting on you. Please.

Yours in solidarity,

A Mom Who Just Wants Her Kid to Be Happy and Leave Her Alone for 10 Minutes If That’s Not Too Much to Ask

UPDATE: I took to Twitter with my complaint and @AmazonHelp responded immediately. They are re-sending the Morpher overnight and refunding the purchase price and shipping. Stay tuned!