iPhone Idiot

My husband and my dad conspired to give me a new iPhone for Christmas. It’s pretty hard to surprise me, much less get me to agree to a fancy high-tech version of something when last year’s model will do just fine, thanks, but they did and I’m glad.

Cutting-edge devices make me feel guilty, if you want the truth. I am always acutely aware that I am not maximizing their awesomeness. Not only do I not use all kinds of features and apps, but I usually keep the default ringtone and screen saver, just because I can’t be bothered to hunt around for something fancier. It’s not that I don’t APPRECIATE new technology, it’s just that I don’t have TIME for it. I don’t like to play around with things. I don’t like to figure stuff out. I like to turn them on and have them do what I want them to do immediately. Is that so much to ask?!

And BTW, all you people who claim Apple products are SO easy and intuitive and foolproof, I beg to differ. If you’ve always been a PC person, the whole minimalist Apple thing takes some getting used to. I was sitting there in frustration one day, grimacing and punching keys like a disgruntled orangutan, trying to find the confounded BACK button, when my almost-4yo walked up and swiped a finger across the screen. Huh. So THAT’S how you go back.

I AM thrilled that the next time an email goes around from the class parent asking who’s bringing what to the class party, I will be ready. I will no longer be left in the dust by all those iPhone-toting moms who, with the click of a button on SignUpGenius, instantly snap up the napkins and juice and all the other easy stuff while I get stuck with the cheese plate for 30 because that’s all that’s left by the time I get home and check my email on my computer like a cavewoman.

It’s not surprising that my dad was involved in giving me the iPhone, since he has always been a technophile. He has to have the newest, most cutting-edge electronics at all times. This works out great for me, since I often get his castoffs, like the laptop that had a half-inch smaller screen and weighed a mere 3 oz. more than the newer model. I had to laugh when he raved about the state-of-the-art TV in a hotel room recently. “You have a flat-screen TV at home, right?” I pointed out.

“Oh, that’s old. We got it at least 5 years ago.”

“That’s old? Have you seen the gargantuan tube in our family room? What do you call that?”

“Ancient.”

My husband cheered silently in the background. FINALLY, another ally in his case for a new TV.

As for me, I have my hands full figuring out my new iPhone. I haven’t quite mastered the voice texting feature yet. The other day I sent C. this cryptic message: “Sheafs.” I had been trying to text, “I’m around the corner.” So, you know. Almost the same thing.

So any iPhone addicts out there want to share their favorite apps or whatever? As if I’ll take the time to figure them out. I already ditched the shopping-list app in favor of taking a picture of my handwritten grocery list. Hey, works for me!

LAUGH O’ THE DAY: This site never fails to crack me up: DamnYouAutocorrect.com. OMG, ROTFL.