Sometimes Life is a Rotten Falafel — Abby Off the Record

Sometimes Life is a Rotten Falafel

by Abby on November 9, 2012

I’m not proud of it, but every once in a while I fall apart. Work stuff, family stuff, or simply life in general with its hurricanes and school closings and that mother of all parenting nightmares, daylight savings, conspire to do me in. I’ll find myself in my bathrobe in the middle of the day, crying into my third cup of coffee and wishing a piano would fall on me so I could have a nice, relaxing stay in the hospital. That’s when I know things have to change.

This time, I knew that a yoga class or a pumpkin spice latte was not going to cut it. I had to bring out the big guns: a massage, a night out on the town, Anthropologie. Not only that, but I decided I was going to cut myself some major slack at home. Goodbye, Super Mom. Hello, Slacker Mom.

FalafelInstead of slaving away on a home-cooked meal for my family, I pulled 3 random things out of the freezer, nuked them, and dumped them in a bowl. The boys gobbled it up without a word of complaint. This from a couple of kids who – when I served the delicious falafel I’d made them because they like chickpeas and I figured, it’s fried, what’s not to like? – said to me, and I quote, “Eww! That looks like poop with leaves in it.” That’s called PARSLEY, you little ingrates!

Instead of being the family social director and designated shopper, I delegated a birthday party to my husband. I forwarded him the Evite and sent him a link to the exact present to get. This led to my son almost attending a random kid’s birthday party instead of the one he was invited to, because my husband dropped him off at the curb and then ran to Target to buy the present – DURING the party. But hey, it all worked out.

Instead of making myself crazy attending every single school event, I decided to skip the Halloween parade. My son neither noticed nor cared. Maddeningly, though, he did ream me out for accidentally-on-purpose forgetting Picture Day. I’m sorry, but in this day and age of free, instant digital photography I’m supposed to send in a big fat check for a picture I won’t see until it’s printed and may include a visible booger and half-closed eyes?! No thanks.

So guess what? My temporary slackerdom had zero negative repercussions. The earth didn’t stop spinning. No one died. In fact, no one even noticed Mommy was taking a much-needed time out. Huh. How ‘bout that? Maybe I should consider having a near-nervous breakdown more often.

LAUGH O’ THE DAY: My unpopular meal spawned a catchphrase. Later that night my 6yo yelled, “Last one to brush their teeth is a rotten falafel!” It’s like the tuggets all over again.

LINK O’ THE DAY: Speaking of kid-related kitchen disasters, my essay about last year’s ill-fated contribution to the kindergarten Thanksgiving feast has been published in the Christian Science Monitor. Jeez, I could make a whole career out of my culinary failings. Care to share yours? We can publish an anthology!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Facebook Twitter Pinterest Plusone Linkedin Stumbleupon

{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Lou Mello November 9, 2012 at 7:27 am

Hilarious, I dream of being a slacker doodle.

Reply

Abby November 9, 2012 at 9:42 am

Sounds like a new breed of dog. :)

Reply

Maureen Gali November 9, 2012 at 2:06 pm

I was laughing out loud. Just like they won’t eat our homemade mac and cheese cuz it’s not orange!

Reply

Rachel November 9, 2012 at 11:16 pm

i just love your blog! Thanks for the LOL!!!

Reply

Abby November 10, 2012 at 8:59 am

Thank you, Maureen & Rachel! Glad you’re laughing at — I mean with — me!

Reply

Rebecca Einstein Schorr November 14, 2012 at 3:49 pm

I have come to the conclusion that there needs to be a Mom-pact. We need to take turns going to these parties, parades, etc. And we all need to take much-needed breaks. We need to force a new norm.

Now…who’s with me??

Reply

Abby November 15, 2012 at 10:39 am

I’m with you all the way! At this point, I would settle for a solo potty break. :)

Reply

jetts31 November 14, 2012 at 4:01 pm

First, I agree with your boys. Totally looks like poop with leaves in it.
Secondly, every parent has to disconnect with all of the activities we think we have to do. We wanted to be the ‘do everything’ parents until my wife and realized it was making us miserable. Cut out the non-essentials, keep the fun stuff, and once in a while indulge in a Halloween parade. And don’t forget the pumpkin latte.

Reply

Abby November 15, 2012 at 10:41 am

It was GOOD!!! My trouble is, my definition of “non-essential” often differs from the rest of the family’s. I would opt to skip every event where my children are supposed to sing, because they never do. They just stand there picking their noses and I wonder why I made time in my day for THAT.

Reply

Emilie November 16, 2012 at 5:00 pm

I love reading this! It makes me feel more normal and realise I am not alone with my parenting stresses! Thank you.

Reply

Abby November 17, 2012 at 8:11 pm

And thank YOU. I always hesitate before writing these posts, thinking “Do I really want to share with the world just how crazy I am?” But knowing it resonates with others makes it all worthwhile. :)

Reply

Leave a Comment

{ 1 trackback }

Previous post:

Next post: