Running After My Kids Keeps Me Fit (to Be Tied)

by Abby on August 17, 2012

female track runner on her markYou know how some supermodel will pop out a baby and a few weeks later she’s strutting down a red carpet in a tight mini dress? And the entertainment news anchors always ask her that shockingly original and not at all offensive question, “So, how did you lose the baby weight so fast?” And the model giggles and says, “Oh, it just melted off from running after my kid,” even though that’s physically impossible if she’s only the mother of a newborn because NEWBORNS DON’T RUN?!

Well, I’m here to show you what running after kids all day REALLY looks like. Yes, it does burn a boatload of calories. And no, I will not be strutting down a red carpet in a Lycra mini dress anytime soon.

8:15am – My boys have been up for hours, but I still have not consumed an entire cup of coffee let alone anything resembling breakfast. From the 6am wake-up call – a short person in a Pull-Up announcing, “I pooped,” inches from my face – until now, I have been running back and forth from the kitchen to the family room serving milk and cereal, turning on cartoons, fetching blankies, etc.

Now we are T-minus 20 minutes from departure for soccer camp. Yet no one is dressed. That requires running back upstairs for clean undies, then back downstairs, then downstairs again to the basement to see if the favorite T-shirt is in the dryer. Then I have to literally tackle the toddler, wrestle him to the ground and force the shirt over his head. I’m sweating and I haven’t even put on a bra yet.

10am – The 6yo has been delivered to camp, after we sprinted across a field to get there on time. More wrestling ensued as I slathered his face and body with sunscreen. Now I am heaving the 3yo out of the car and into a shopping cart at Target. But wait, now he wants to get OUT. And back in again. And then back out.

12:15pm – The groceries are purchased, the 6yo’s been picked up, now it’s back home for lunch. No one can carry in their own crap from the car because they’re “too tired.” I hoist 3 grocery bags, a soccer bag, a stuffed animal, and some assorted clothing in my arms, my purse in my teeth, and slam the car door shut with my foot.

2pm – Up and down the 3 levels of our house doing laundry. Possibly lugging around the vacuum to clean up various spills and messes. Possibly scrubbing the upholstery where SOMEONE dripped blue popsicle even though they should know better than to set foot outside the kitchen with a blue food item. (Why do they even MAKE blue food items?!)

4pm – At the park, I somehow end up carrying everyone’s bikes, scooters, helmets, and water bottles. Wasn’t the point to RIDE the scooters? My shins are a map of bruises and scrapes. We’re not there 5 min. before the 3yo shouts that he has to go to the bathroom RIGHT NOW!! I swear, it’s like zero to emergency with newly potty trained kids. We sprint across the park to the germy public bathrooms. Then it’s back to the playground. Then it’s back to the bathroom when I realize I left my expensive stainless steel water bottle in there. I bet I’ve logged 6 miles by this point.

6pm – By the time the dinnertime fire drill is over – someone ALWAYS needs to be wiped or rescued from peril RIGHT when the garlic is burning or the pot’s boiling over – I’m done. DONE. I feel like I have run a marathon, swum across the English channel, and hauled a stack of monster truck tires from one end of a football field to the other. I am so exhausted and wrung out that I have no choice but to soothe my nerves with large quantities of cookies, ice cream and/or wine. Funny how the supermodel moms never mention THAT, huh?

LINK O’ THE DAY: My friend Jimmy Ettele wrote a clever and funny piece on the Parent Olympics. I could definitely medal in a few of these events.

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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Lou Mello August 17, 2012 at 8:07 am

Super Mom indeed!! You need someone to video you in action for a week and then edit it as a fitness vid…big seller for sure!!


Abby August 17, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Great idea, Lou!


Stacy B August 17, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Abby, I sooo identify with this. And am struggling with the pace this week in particular as I get my 5 year old ready for kindergarten. All the hustle and bustle matters at the end of the day, right? Because I sometimes wake up feeling like I haven’t seen my kid in days, when in reality, I see him every day (well, before and after work anyway…)


Abby August 17, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Back-to-school should be considered an extreme sport if you ask me!


Kathleen Basi August 17, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Hee hee! As for the super-body freaky women? I think it’s called PLASTIC SURGERY.


steph mills August 18, 2012 at 10:12 pm

So true!! I’ve never had so many bruises on my shins in my life as I do since I’ve had my son!


emc August 20, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Say it sista. There is no need for diets when you have 2 extremely active and needy boys. I commiserate in the same way! I have already had a healthy dose of wine and my cookies and ice cream are coming right up.


It's Not Like a Cat August 31, 2012 at 10:33 pm

I always bring a double stroller to the park when they insist on riding their bikes and scooters there. Because I KNOW I’ll be hauling the stuff home again.

And kudos to you for vacuuming/cleaning up the blue popsicle–I don’t bother anymore. 🙂


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