“No, not yet, buddy. It’s way too early. Come lie down with me.” Shuffle, shuffle, kick to the kidneys, swipes the covers. Oh, what’s the point? No one’s getting any more sleep this morning.
The coffee’s brewing, the boys are wrestling, the noise level is escalating … quickly. Did I mention we got rid of our TV for the summer? We figured we weren’t watching much, anyway, since we were out and about more. And frankly, the constant battles over screen time were getting on my nerves. So we canceled the cable. Only now, at 7:05 a.m., I would kill for the 22 minutes of peace one episode of “Peppa Pig” would buy me. Foiled again.
For the next hour and a half, everyone runs up and down the stairs, in and out of the bathrooms, in and out of the kitchen, searching for water bottles, cereal bowls, bathing suits, their other Croc, and their car keys. “Is it water day at camp today? No? Nature day? What do you mean, you need a white shirt to tie-dye? And you’re supposed to bring bug spray? Why didn’t you tell me that earlier?!”
Meanwhile, I’m frantically packing the peanut-free, no-refrigeration-required snacks for camp, filling the water bottles, and searching for the insulated bags for lunch and the pool later. HOW did we go through 2 family-size bags of pretzels and an entire box of granola bars already? WHERE is all that fruit I bought just the other day? WHO is eating all this freaking food?!
“Go get dressed! Why are you still in your pajamas? Brush your teeth! Get your shoes on! We need to leave in 5 min! Do you have your towel? Go, go, GO!” Out on the porch, I commence the sunscreen application. I would gladly outsource this odious chore to anyone with experience wrestling greased piglets.
“Hold still!” I grip one kid’s chin while smearing the sunblock stick across his nose and cheeks. He squinches up his nose like he smells a rotten egg and leans further and further back until I am on my tip-toes with my arms outstretched as far as they will go. “I can’t put this on you if you’re walking away from me!!” Next, it’s time for the spray. Half of it gets on my clothes and the other half turns into a white, smeary mess as I slop it onto skinny legs and arms. Then it’s the other kid’s turn. Grip, slop, repeat. There’s no chance in hell I did a thorough application on every body part. “Ack! We’re late! Get in the car. Buckle up, buckle up, let’s go!”
In the car: “Mom? I forgot my water bottle.”
“And I ate my snack while I was waiting for you to get ready. Can you pack me another one?”
Suddenly, those school-day mornings I dreaded so much are looking like a walk in the park.
LINK O’ THE WEEK: Why send your kid to a pricey farm camp when they could learn “environmental stewardship” (aka, cleaning out the garage) or “textile resuscitation” (aka, laundry) at a summer camp run by moms? The Sensible Sisterhood Summer Camp
NEWS O’ THE DAY: Next week I will be
enjoying on a nice relaxing family vacation trip to the beach. I hope you enjoy the summer-themed content from my archives that I will be posting when if I have time after I’m done packing.