Remember 2 years ago when all my older son wanted for Christmas was a ukulele and a pet mouse? Well, this year’s wishlist is just as perplexing: an iPod Touch and a real live hedgehog are the top two items. The kid keeps it interesting, I’ll give him that.
Why he needs an iPod Touch, I’ll never know. He has free rein of his dad’s iPad and helps himself to my iPhone whenever he pleases. Does he need to text his peeps to find out the latest Minecraft or Pokemon news? Discuss the plot of the most recent Diary of a Wimpy Kid book? Test out his new knock-knock jokes?
I’ll tell you why: the kid is app-crazy. Math Ninja and Math Blaster I can get behind. And, OK, I’ve been known to unwind with a little Candy Crush Saga or Fruit Ninja now and then. (Are you sensing a ninja theme? My mom visited recently and brought with her ninja-shaped cookies the boys dubbed – wait for it – “ninja-bread men.” Get it? Get it?) And I will admit Talking Ben the Dog is hilarious, as is the app where you wash and blow-dry a cat.
The hedgehog has me stymied, though. Where did he get this idea, asked the aunt who is dangerously likely to actually BUY him a pet hedgehog. Um, Wild Kratts? America’s Funniest Videos? Your guess is as good as mine. Once again, I tried to convince Miles that Santa doesn’t do live animals. But he’s getting older and wiser: “Then you and Dad get it for me, Mom.” Well played, son. Well played. But exotic pets are still not happening in this house. Hopefully he’ll fall for a cuddly plush version.
As for my younger son, we’ve got a different set of challenges there. Everything he sees, he wants. I blame the LEGO catalog. Damn you and your seductively glossy pages and high price tags! $399.99 for an age-inappropriate Death Star™?! Kill me now!
Riley’s Christmas list also includes more weaponry than a fleet of Navy SEALs. Santa doesn’t do weapons either, right? Right?? Well, maybe just a marshmallow shooter or a Nerf gun. A light saber or Minecraft pick-axe, possibly. But I draw the line at nunchuks and tasers.
What ever happened to Colorforms and Raggedy Ann dolls, that’s what I want to know. Huh? What’s that you say? Oh, right. It’s not the ’70s anymore. And I have boys. Duly noted. Expensive electronics and heavy artillery it is, then. Merry Christmas!
LINK O’ THE DAY: Thanks to this blog post for reminding me it could always be worse. I could have teenage daughters requesting thongs for Hanukkah.