How to Not Get in Trouble, by Riley, age 6

by Abby on June 15, 2015

So, I came home from my blog conference all fired up to get on a regular posting schedule again and put together an editorial calendar and refine my themes and messaging and do all this other stuff I learned about. But then life intervened the way it does.

Unexpected dramas and crises converged with birthday celebrations and end-of-school events to create the perfect storm of chaos and stress. And I happen to have a 6yo who does not handle chaos well. Which is like saying that North Korea is not the best place to honeymoon.

We call him Mr. Routine. And if his routine is disrupted, he makes Kim Jong Un look like Deepak Chopra. As I was telling my neighbor who was concerned about the “Terrible Threes,” we seem to be in the throes of the “Satanic Sixes.” Nobody warns you about that.

Needless to say, I was surprised and amused when Riley sat down one afternoon and penned a list of 7 ways to not get in trouble. Here they are, with my commentary and spelling corrections.

How to not get in trouble, by Riley, age 6

1) Clean the attic.

This one is puzzling because a) we don’t really have an attic, unless you count a crawl-space accessible only through a hole in the ceiling, and b) I certainly would never ask him to clean it. It was most recently occupied by a family of aggressive raccoons. We don’t go up there anymore.

2) Do what your parent says the first time.

If only. My kids’ motto seems to be, “Why respond to Mom the first time when you can wait till the 7th time and watch her lose her sh*t?”

3) Clean your room!

This one is good. As for “clean,” I would settle for no dirty underwear or Cheez-It crumbs on the floor. I like to set the bar low.

4) Treat your brother or sister nicely.

I would have put this at #1. Because the incessant bickering and whining has reached a fever pitch. One kid will take something he previously expressed zero interest in, just because the other one wants it. Wailing and hitting ensue. Today this happened over a SCRAP OF CARDBOARD, no lie. And copying everything your sibling says? A special form of torture for everyone in earshot.

5) Say nice words.

Like please and thank-you, he clarified. So, probably not screeching, “This is the worst family EVERRR!” as he’s been known to do.

6) Always be nice to your parents.

So easy to say, so hard to do.

7) Play with your guest.

Nice thought, but can we go back to the obedience and cleaning, please?

LINKS O’ THE WEEK: Good reads about summer.

Same Old Summer

Reasons My Kids Won’t Be Having a 70s Summer

30 Magical Photos of Children Playing Around the World

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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Kathleen Basi June 16, 2015 at 2:03 pm

When did my 6yo move into YOUR house?????????


Stacey June 16, 2015 at 9:04 pm

This is so funny! I love the scrap of cardboard. This would so happen in our house!


Abby June 22, 2015 at 9:41 pm

I mean, come on. Cardboard?!


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