Winter and I do not get along. Oh, it starts out promisingly, like a new relationship. Those first fleeting flakes, glistening romantically against the evergreens. The cozy fires and hot chocolate. The sledding and impromptu get-togethers with neighbors and friends. It’s invigorating. A break from the routine.
But then things start to decline. One snow day off from school and work turns into 7, and suddenly that spontaneous thrill starts to feel a lot like an unreliable, unpredictable scheduling nightmare. Will we have soccer practice or not? Will the recycling get picked up or not? Should I line up a sitter or not? Will I ever meet a deadline or make a lunch date again?!
Stop messing with me, Winter. I have better things to do than wait around to see what you’ll do today and cater to your every whim, you know. It’s just selfish. And your fluffy white flakes? Not so pretty when they’re clumped in dirty piles by the side of the road where dogs pee on them. And not that romantic, either. Where’s the appeal of throwing out your back and slipping on a patch of ice?
The heating bills continue to climb as my patience and sanity continue to dip. I have spent a fortune on indoor play places and takeout. Who wants to cook dinner when you’re in the kitchen all the livelong day, serving meal after meal, snack after snack? And the dishes… Oh lord, the dishes. Never. End. Get a job, Winter! Do your part. I’m not your Sugar Mama.
At first, it’s fun to have endless play dates and drop-ins and stop by other people’s houses on a random weekday. But then it starts to feel like a chore. Clean the house AGAIN? What for, it’ll only get dirty again in 30 min. Get dressed and put on makeup? Why bother? No one sees me but my kids since I’m swaddled up to the eyeballs in cold-weather gear anytime I step foot outside my house. And what’s even the point of going anywhere? It’s freezing and the roads are treacherous.
Why do I have to make all the effort, Winter? What are you bringing to the table? Besides your frosty windowpanes (read: sky-high electric bill) and glittering icicles which, come to think of it, look like giant daggers that could fall and STAB and KILL YOU at any moment!! What’s THAT about? I can’t believe I was ever into you, Winter. We are breaking up. For GOOD. Starting NOW. Do you hear me?! Just stop with the wailing gusts of subzero wind, OK? Save that drama for your mama. ’Cause I am OUT.
Like the worst ex-boyfriend ever, Winter overstays its welcome. Every year. We could’ve gone out on a high note, with the soft snowdrifts and crackling fire. But no. As we speak, the skies are unleashing a torrent of icy sludge on the barren, brown, water-logged ground below. Get away from me, Winter, you disgust me. It’s not me, it’s YOU. Buh-bye. Don’t call me, I’ll call you. No, I won’t. I’ve got something new on the horizon, and I cannot WAIT. It is SO much better than you, you can’t even imagine. It’s called Spring. And it’s coming. Any day now. You’ll see.